kANcHAA taLKiNg tO yOU : paRT 1

'Kancha, how r u doing?' it was late twilight already, when i heard a faint sound calling my name. I remember my friends asking at school, how come your name is only 'Kancha'? Because our class had a lot of similar names that sounded complete such as Ranjan Poudel or Shyam Karki or Ritesh Shrestha and so on. No one really bothered to send me to that primary school with a complete name for i was not living a complete life. I cocked up my head to see if that is someone i knew for that call had some tender touch in it. Something i haven’t heard in years. The voice approached near me and was my mother's.  She didn’t look all fit and wasn’t smiling either. She has not smiled at me like in forever. I could hardly interpret the reason, WHY?

This is the second visit my mother has made in all these years. i was in a dilemma of expressions. I couldn't figure out what i was supposed to do that instant, except i knew i had to be done with the dishes pretty quick and get back to the kitchen. I thought, did she really pop in at the wrong time? I absolutely couldn’t retrieve the timing of her last visit but i was sure as rock, that wasn’t the right time for a tiny family get together. I said something like: i was fine and asked how she was doing herself, that answer i never got. And the next thing i remember, i got back to my chore. I was doing dishes like every other day since a person whom i said uncle left me here few years back. And never saw him yet again.

i couldn’t exactly remember how many years for the course book were not in town yet. That year, we were supposed to learn counting and year before that i was only admitted to that primary school. I can remember my teachers whispering to their ears about the reason why? and they said stuffs like; the government has just changed and followed by blah....blah....The teacher also said,"hernus Kandel sir, aba ko 5 din viral kitbag naaye ma ta dashain bida ko 15 din agadi nai taap kaschu ghar tira. Bazar kati charko ho sir! feri sirmati le Bombay sari vanera hairan cha..". They both laughed for a while and started their bosh. I plugged out my ear then but the conversation might have gone something like govenment...hahhahaha.....government..price hike...salary....corruption...hahaha...government.

She went in, my mother greeted 'Namaskaar' to my new family. Don’t panic, it's not the regular family like you r visualizing at the moment. Long back i have switched to a new definition of family. Now, defination of the family goes like 'A social institution, where i get to sleep over the mattress on the kitchen floor. Eat whatever prone without any complains but sometimes with a fake smile though. And my birth- mother visiting me barely, god knows when to sponge off my new family. ‘I remember she said something like: she wanted few cash and that she was ill. I could reckon from her voice that she was real ill but i was stuck with a dilemma already. This scene where my mother is ill,could not desire any emotions from me for i was already running short of emotions.

A bleak ‘NO’, i heard from inside the room that wasn't my mother’s. May be she had asked to take me home this 'Dashain'. Is she out of her mind? Does she know a trifle about my family here? How many people visit us during this festival of joy? And how profoundly happy they look over the lovely dress they wear? How many varieties of dishes are prepared which is served over multiple utensils? How busy i am with the rotation of plates? I mean they rely upon me, my new family. I am the one, responsible for checking the flow of dingy plates out and cleaned one in of the kitchen.

Anyways, what i was going to do even if they allowed me to go? Which they won’t because they like me here, they need me the most like the politicians adore mobsters during the elections. And frankly, i am happy they do, at least they don't give me to unknown places. I don't have to advance to new techniques of survival. I don’t have to adjust with my routine anymore. I must tell you this; it wasn’t an easy task, to wake up at early 4 am when i first got here. I felt like going back to sleep again , which i did couple of times and i hear this 'Kanchaaaaaaaa' a real loud 'kancha' that would shake me literally.

Who likes to go back to village anyways? I don't think the tiny faces i remember from my remotest memory are still catching up with the village life. Who likes to sleep till the scorching sun hits your face? Who likes to poop on the open corn field these days? Who likes to swim and flow with the river for unlimited hours anymore? So i hint, they must have long left or been conferred to places like i am. My mother said nothing before she left. I was almost done with the utensils then. However, i followed her skinny image from behind until it disappeared into the puffy dusk of Aswin Month. And now when i observe the time during Dashain, it is way too hotter out of my wildest imagination.